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Halloween Jokes

Q: What do you call a fat Jack-O-Lantern?
A: A plumkin

Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food?
A: A guy with very high blood pressure

Q: What do you use to mend a Jack-O-Lantern?
A: A pumpkin patch.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball?
A: Because he had no body to go with!

Q: If you peel my skin off, I won’t cry, but you will. What am I?
A: An onion.

Q: What notes does the tightrope-musician have to worry about?
A: C sharp or B flat!

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 8 9!

Q: Why won`t cannibals eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny!

Q: What was the favorite game at the ghosts’ birthday party?
A: Hide and shriek

Q: What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A: Ice scream

Q: What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
A: Boo-boos

Q: What vegetable do you get when King Kong walks through your garden?
A: Squash!

Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A: To get to the body shop!

Q: What do you say to a skeleton going on vacation?
A: Bone voyage!

Q: What do you call a skeleton who won’t work?
A: Lazy bones

Q: How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
A: With scare spray

Q: What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling

Q: What do people say to the parents of twin witches?
A: Which witch is which?

Q: How do you make a witch scratch?
A: Take away the W.

Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A: Dayscare centers

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: Because he didn’t have the guts!

Q: What do you say to a skeleton before he eats?
A: Bone appetit!

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
A: Frostbite

Q: What type of dog do vampire’s like the best?
A: Bloodhounds

Q: What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A: A stake sandwich

Q: What is a ghost’s favorite mode of transportation?
A: A scareplane

Q: What is a baby ghost’s favorite game?
A: Peek-a-boo!

Q: Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
A: He heard it had great circulation

Q: Why do mummies make good employees?
A: They get all wrapped up in there work.

Q: What surgery does a vampire doctor perform?
A: Fly by night operations

Q: What did the ghost buy for his Haunted House?
A: Home Moaners Insurance.

Q: Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death?
A: He couldn’t find any doolb.

Q: Why was the cannibal expelled from school?
A: He was buttering up his teacher.

Q: What do you get when you cross a ghost with an owl?
A: Something that scares people and doesn’t give a hoot.

Q: Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
A: They’re so wrapped up in themselves

Q: What do you do when 20 zombies surround your house?
A: Hope it’s Halloween!

Q: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
A: They have bat breath

Q: How did the priest make holy water?
A: He poured water from the tap and then boiled the heck out of it!

Q: What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
A: Dead ends

Q: What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A: A trombone

Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A: No body

S.E. Schlosser

S.E. Schlosser

S.E. Schlosser is the author of the Spooky Series published by Globe Pequot Press. She has been telling stories since she was a child, when games of “let’s pretend” quickly built themselves into full-length tales acted out with friends. A graduate of both Houghton College and the Institute of Children’s Literature, Sandy received her MLS from Rutgers University while working as a full-time music teacher and a freelance author.